Conversation (Konversation)


Magda is talking. Artie is listening.

Magda (presto)

„Oh, God, you know something about theatre – finally, someone who knows something about theatre. That’s why I’m going to tell you exactly what happened.

They had engaged Straub at first, to play the dragoon cavalry captain, and me, Lena. I said, „I’ll make no impression, playing opposite a breeches role. No one will notice me, playing opposite a breeches role!“. You can’t do that to me. All my friends say that when I once get an idea in my head, I’m so stubborn, and its true. That’s just how I am. Isn’t it? Don’t you think so, too? Don’t you? Yes. And then I said to the Director, I said, if I can’t play Lena, I’d just drop the whole thing. Daddy also says… You agree, don’t you? Yes. The Director gave in, of course. He was sooo small. I know the sister of High Court Counsel Bonhoeffer, who is the uncle of his financial backer. By the way, did you know that Klöpfer doesn’t want to play the new role? He said, “I’m not playing that load of rubbish!” He’s going on tour from the beginning of June. I was supposed to go with him, but I don’t like tours. But, my God, I may have gone, but now that the new director of trustees is coming, then we’ll see what it’s all about! I am a bit childlike in these things. I am just a big child altogether. Don’t you think so? I am, aren’t I? Yes. Do you know Gerda, the blond, Gerda? The one who has a relationship with Frau Petschaft. She has a boyfriend as well, but just for appearances. The boyfriend knows all about it, of course. Anyway, with me, she… Oh, you’re terrible! The conclusions you always jump to! Gerda has absolutely no talent. And she’s got a cheek, as well! She wants to play Gretchen. What do you think? No. Yes. I mean, she simply can’t play her. It’s impossible anyway, because the new Fischer-Hirsch tem is against it. And if the team weren’t against it…Oh, heavens, it’s six o‘clock! How one chats away the time with you! You speak so nicely and interestingly. Cheerio, Doctor. Don’t be annoyed, I’ve got to go. See you soon”

Artie (thinks)

You can say that again, that I know something about theatre. She put that very well. Of course I know something about theatre. Now, what is it?

She’s really rather cute, there’s something about her. Nice legs. I wonder whether she wears a bra? No, I don’t think so. When she speaks quickly and laughs at the same time, she has such a nice little wrinkle around her eyes. She really shouldn‘t colour her lashes, though, that doesn’t suit her at all. But she’s nice, really… Who’s she with, anyway? Oh yes, Franz, but he doesn’t take up all her time! She always talks about Daddy and Mummy, how does she get out? Does she live at home? Even if she does live at home, that can be arranged…

The sister of the High Court Counsel? A right vulture. Who knows whether they are as rich as all that… Which tie am I wearing? She keeps looking at my neck… It’s a new tie. Is there a stain on it? No, I don’t think so. She looks nice when she closes her eyes. A un certain moment – I read recently in a novel. That’s how she looks. Nice. She can be quite amusing, really. This could get quite amusing! “Yes, I think so, too. Certainly, dear lady.“ Very attractive lady. What time will it be? She does go on a bit, but I can’t take a look at my watch just now. Damn, I can’t see the clock on the wall from here, either. I’ll just casually stand up… Still can’t see the clock. Gerda? Gerda and her together, that wouldn’t be bad! What‘s that perfume she’s wearing? What did I say? I didn’t say anything. My God, the woman goes on! My God, but we need to come to an end, somehow… Do you snort cocaine, my angel? I hope not. Six o‘clock? Damn it, Hilde will never wait that long. And then the apartment will be locked, and I haven’t got a key. Oh, well, then this one here. Am I free this evening? Yes. Are you, perhaps, free this evening…? „Cheerio!“ And she’s gone!


Author: Kurt Tucholsky

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